I remember when I lost my mind

"What would you call yourself?"

"I used to answer with <<a writer>>. Now I'm not so sure, but I think the closest answer is <<a leader>>. I work with words and feelings, in written or spoken form, anyway."

"How do you write?"

"How is my writing or how am I able to write?"

"How do you find your words?"

"Hmm"

"Tell me your secret."

"Are you afraid of losing your mind?"

"Ahm.. No, I guess"

"This is what I do, I lose my mind. I free it and let it run, wherever it wants to go. And when it comes back.. Done is the magic."

"Do you believe in magic?"

"I believe in order and I believe in chaos, in God and Devil, in fairies and aliens. Why wouldn't I believe in magic? I am not ready to believe that we, as a species, are as boring as we so thoroughly try to be. I know I am not normal anyways, but I never said I wanted to be. Being different and taking risks, this is what has kept me going so far. Normality brings me to insanity, ironically enough"

"Do you remember what it is like? To lose your mind?"

"Yes, it is madness, but it is not unconsciously. I do it because I want to and because it makes me feel right. You should try it sometimes, but be careful. Once you do it, you can hardly find a way back."

"How do you lose your mind?"

"That, deary, is a secret I am not yet willing to share. And if you search deeply enough, you'll find the answer on your own."

Undecided

I can't decide whether I love or hate people. On the one side there are the ones for whom you believe your entire species is helpless, those stupid people who deserve to be called like this. But on the other side, there are the people you fall in love with - you don't love them, but you fall in love with them. There are those people who make irresistable conversations, the ones with whom you can talk about anyhting, and oh.. when you talk. The power of words in underestimated. I love the way people's eyes sparkle when they talk about their passions, the way their entire face shines. It is somehow warming up my heart to discover people like this. And then the magic comes when you discover their flaws. Flaw is what makes people perfect (paradox, huh? gotta love them). "I like people who have a sense of individuality. I love expression and anything awkward and imperfect, because that’s natural and that’s real." But the problem is that I really can't decide. Because there are so many people from the first part, and so little from the second one, but how can quantity matter when obviously quality is more important? After all, the rarest things are the most enjoyable. Yes, I think I love people after all. I am ready to live in a world full of stupid people as long as I'll keep my 'lovable' ones near me.

Memory of a time

All I have learnt in the life of a kid

Is that time is the most valuable thing..

And we just watch it passing by, destroying memories

And living by simple theories.

It is never too late and never too soon,

You learn you can love the "once in a blue moon"s

And meanwhile, you will see that you were mine

And it will not all just be a memory of a time.

Déjà vu

Simti cum se apropie din nou, stii ca e rau, stii ca vei rani pe cineva, dar nu te opresti. De ce vrei sa faci rau? De ce esti atat de egoista? Nu mai incerca degeaba sa iti impui sa iubesti. Daca tu nu simti nimic, nu-i amagi pe ceilalti. Vei iubi candva, dar acum, macar nu mai zambi cu seninatate, nu le mai consuma afectiunea. Esti dependenta, dependenta de iubire, dar nu stii sa oferi deloc. Pleaca!
Nu meriti sa fii iubita.

Love?

I'm in love with the idea of love and that makes me a horrible person. I've had true love, and I threw it away. And it was not just that. I tortured a heart, I lied and I didn't even know about that. I used to think that feeling unloved is the worst feeling, but it's not. To be loved and to be unable to love back, that's the worst feeling. I need to learn to love; truly, deeply, madly..someone. Not a feeling, but a person. Help.

The circle of life

I've come to the conclusion that even if you try so hard to keep people near you, they go further away. What really hurts is that you were wrong to keep them with you in the first place. "You have to let them go. If they come back to you, they are yours forever, if they don't, they were never yours to begin with." I was never a person to go with the wind, I just let it take me to where it wants to go. But it seems that, in the end, even if you were never aware of this fact, you were the one to tell the wind where to go. And just like this, you were never aware of the fact that the people near you, the ones you loved the most, had something difficult in their lives, and you did nothing to help. And then you blame yourself, but you realize that there was nothing you could have done and you start feeling better about yourself. You meet new people, you give them your love and they give their love to you. And you become closer and closer, you love them the most. And then, it happens again: you come to the conclusion that even if you try so hard to keep people near you, they go further away. (Repeat until you're out of breath)

Polemic, premeditat si antagonic.

Am dificultati in a face alegeri, in a lua decizii. Obisnuiam sa fac totul la intamplare, dupa instinct. Acum ma gandesc de 2 ori cand aleg ceva, in ce masura ii afecteaza pe altii, in ce masura ma afecteaza pe mine. Aleg uneori, insa, sa mai merg pe stradute laturalnice, dupa instinct. Sunt stradute intunecate, aproape fara niciun pic de pietris pe care sa mergi. Dar sunt stradute ce ma atrag, tocmai pentru ca sunt scufundate in necunoscut.. si vreau sa-l descopar. Era frumos cand il descopeream cu el, dar a ales sa mearga pe un alt drum, unul cu lumini, unul cu siguranta. M-a refuzat, galant, incercand sa ma ia cu el. Dar in incapatanarea mea, deloc negativa as putea adauga,  aveam sa raman pe drumul meu.  Si, bineinteles, asta ne-a indepartat.  Ne deosebesc multe, foarte multe, dar ne lega un lucru, nu stiu sa-l numesc. Era ceva intre noi ce ne tinea pe acelasi drum. Nu am fost niciodata tipul femeii trofeu, eu nu sunt o fata pe care sa o vrei pentru trupul ei frumos, cu forme perfecte. Eu sunt o fata pe care o vrei pentru misterul din jurul ei, si nu ma daruiesc celor care nu ma merita. Problema nu a fost ca el nu ma merita, ci eu nu il meritam pe el.